Submitted 3/20/2008

One of the agreements in Don Miguel Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements" is "Don't Take Anything Personally".

I have found this small but powerful piece of advice paramount in achieving personal happiness. At first glance you might be thinking "duh, that's easy" but try it for a day and you'll see how difficult (but powerful) it really is. It is amazing how many things we take personally each day. Silly things that really have nothing to do with us but we've been conditioned to think they do. That dirty look the cashier gives you when you pull out a wad of coupons, the person who flips you off for driving too slow, the comment your husband makes about dinner not being so great, etc...these are all things you should never take personally.

A quote from Ruiz's book is "Taking things personally is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about 'me'". But in reality, nothing other people do is about you. We all live in our own worlds with our own rules that we follow that have nothing to do with other people. By taking things personally you are setting yourself up to suffer for nothing.

Next time you find yourself taking what someone says or does personally, keep the following in mind:

• It's not about you! It is a reflection of what is going inside THEM.
• Learn from it. If you find yourself taking something personally then maybe they are saying something you actually believe about yourself. If it is something negative you need to explore deeper why you feel this way about yourself.
• Treat others as you would have them treat you. Try and keep unsolicited advice and comments to yourself. Just as their opinions are really reflections of what's going on inside of them, so are your opinions really reflections of you.
• Even if others lie to you, it's ok. They are doing so because they are afraid you will find out they are not perfect.

What benefits will you get from not taking things personally? Your anger, envy and jealousy will disappear. So will your sadness. You will feel freer. You will be immune to harsh words, critics, insults and liars.
Make a note for yourself somewhere you will see it first thing in the morning (the bathroom mirror is a good place) that says, "I won't take ANYTHING personally today" and then spend the day just doing that. You may need to remind yourself occasionally throughout the day since it is so automatic for us to assume many things are our fault. Try and keep a list of things you would have taken personally before, but didn't today. At the end of the day if you now realize you can only control you and what other people do or say have nothing to do with you, only themselves. See if you realize why it is important to not take anything personally.
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Ally Moll, Life Coach www.allymoll.com
Helping People Turn Their Hobbies into Careers
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